Juggler of words and children…collector of pottery shards
“The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a well watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Isaiah 58:11
As the months wore on in our wait, I was ever so slowly transformed. Time and again, it seemed God would lead me from one room of my heart to another, meticulously renovating as we went along. He would shine his search light into the corners, exposing errant belief systems that held me in bondage. With the healing antiseptic of his Word and Spirit, he would uncover childhood wounds around which I had built clumsy defenses when I found I was helpless to heal them on my own. At times, I found his poking and prodding in those tender places excruciating and would cry out in agony but he loved me too much to leave them festering. He was determined I would be whole.
I never stopped longing for my daughters and at times it seemed my heart was a seeping wound that would not heal. At some point along the way however, I ceased striving and learned to rest in a God who had proven himself faithful, loving and merciful. I began to believe, really believe that he was good and that his love for me was real. Once that trust was established, his Word took on new life for me and I found myself in continual, quiet companionship with him. He truly bore my burdens and carried my sorrows.
Healing, truth, freedom, intimate relationship with my Savior, a heart at rest……..these were the treasures of darkness…
In the fall of 2005, we found ourselves at a strange crossroads. The girls had been legally ours since since August, when our case cleared courts in Haiti. We could not proceed with the final step of securing a U.S Visa however, because a few days before we began that process, the Haitian government nullified all existing passports for adoptive children. It was a crushing blow. We were forced to begin their passport process over again. By the time early October rolled around, we had been waiting for 7 weeks for the new passports and the end was nowhere in sight. During that time, none of the information we received about the status of the passports seemed to make any sense at all. We were completely in the dark and extremely frustrated to be able to see the end in sight but unable to reach it.
Finally, we received permission from the orphanage to visit the girls. We had asked to come before but had been denied each time. When we received clearance for a visit, my husband and I agreed that only one of us would go and the other would stay home to care for our other children. Part of the reasoning behind this was that Haiti was very unstable and dangerous at the time, especially for foreigners. In September of 2005, there were more than 50 kidnappings for ransom in Port-Au-Prince alone.
My dear husband took one look into my eyes and knew I needed to be the one to go, and so it was that on November 11th at 6:30am I boarded the plane to take me to my daughters for the first time. I was going alone to the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere and at the time, it was among the most unstable.
It was my first trip outside the United States of America.
Next entry: Birth Pains
Do you believe God is transcendent of your circumstances? Is he able to offer you abundant life in spite of your situation? Is there a limit to his resourcefulness, power, or the scope of his influence?
Can he promise you treasures in the darkness? Riches?
Are you significant enough to him that he should summon you by name?
What do you believe?
To whom are you listening?
I was just wondering…….because God says you are free.
God says your inheritance is abundant life.
God says there are treasures to be found in the darkness. Treasures with your name on them. He never said there were no obstacles. As a matter of fact, he admits the chains that bind you are formidable.
He just said the are no match for him.