Sherri Gragg

Writer. Mom. Daydreamer. Dog's Best Friend.

The Light Weaver

The house was quiet and dark.  I was the only one awake and I sat in front of an open window, waiting for the sun to rise.  A journal rested on my lap and I wrote in it by the light of one small lamp.

“How can I make it through this day….”  I wrote.baptism

It was Thanksgiving Day.  Thanksgiving has always been a big deal in our house.  Early on in our marriage, it became “our” holiday when we stayed home and family came to us.  I loved to cook and my family grew to love the Thanksgiving dishes I prepared so much that I was met with a chorus of outrage if I even considered altering the menu.  I always began preparation weeks in advance in order to be ready for the big day.

Not this time.  As a weak, pale, dawn feebly made its way into the room I took inventory of my surroundings.  The place was a wreck and I had not even begun to prepare the meal.  I just did not want to do it.  I did not want to cook a turkey or put the cloth on the table.  I did not want to polish, dust, vaccum or sweep.  Over and over I kept telling myself “Just put one foot in front of the other…”

My spirits sank further as I realized Thanksgiving was only the beginning because it ushered in the Christmas season.  I could not bring myself to think of shopping for gifts.  “Keep moving” I told myself, “Just keep moving…”

Increasingly, I was finding that my heart was in Haiti.  I wanted to be with my girls.  I found myself daydreaming about packing up all of us and just going to Haiti so we could all be together at last.  Somewhere, deep in my soul, I told myself that if a family trip to Haiti is what it took for us to avoid spending another Christmas apart, that is what I would do.

I knew the reason I could not bring myself to prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas was that my heart was fighting like crazy against the idea of heading into another holiday season without my daughters.

I turned my heart towards the Comforter once more and in my journal penned this prayer:

“My God,

This is the day you have ordained for me and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  Forgive me for my complaining, unthankful spirit.  I will count my blessings, sing praises to your name, love my family well, and do good work.

Thank you for your mercy, compassion and grace towards me.  I am so thankful for the fellowship and comfort of your Spirit.

Sweet Jesus, without you where would I be?”

~Amen

“You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

Psalm 18:28

*The photo above is of a sunrise baptism in Destin, FL.

 

Unless otherwise noted, all photos and writing on this site are the property of Sherri Gragg.

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2 comments on “The Light Weaver

  1. totaltransformation
    March 20, 2007

    I recently prayed for something fervently- yet the situation didn’t work out how I had hoped. However, I have comfort in knowing that God has a plan in this for me. I am willing to trust in him and see where he leads.

  2. everydaymiracle
    March 20, 2007

    totaltransformation:
    I feel strongly that I have to be honest about the struggles I faced during our adoption journey. If I try to sugar coat it and present myself in a more favorable light it diminishes the truth: God always was in control; He was always faithful and He always sought my good. May He comfort you with his Spirit today.

    Sherri

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This entry was posted on March 20, 2007 by in adoption, Christianity, family.
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